Learned... April 11, 2008~~

I wrote this and before I hit publish, I got the call about Monkey...

I’ve learned…

Doing some reflecting… and I realize that in the past 12 months I’ve learned some valuable lessons…

I’ve learned that… The job that pays the least has no set schedule, lots of over time, no time off—also has the best benefits of all- unlimited hugs, smiles, unconditional love- being a mommy is the best job I’ve ever had!!

I’ve learned that at the end of a crappy day, one toothless little smile makes it ALL better.

I’ve learned that walking out of a dressing room wearing a LITTLE black dress FIVE sizes smaller than anything I’ve worn in the last TWENTY years~~ and it looking like it was MADE for me… is an AMAZING feeling…

I’ve learned that, I really do want to fall in love again… that there ARE good guys out there- I can’t hold the sins of the past against the future!!! That it is possible to feel again, numb isn’t an option!!

I’ve learned that as my parents’ age, they become more my friends and less my parents… and on some level and at some time, I’ll be the one taking care of them…

I’ve learned that sometimes you make some of the BEST friends through some of the strangest and hardest circumstances… and that these friendships endure beyond the circumstance that brought you together in the first place!

I’ve learned that thru time, wounds really do heal~~ that it’s possible to let go (and I’m not just talking about ‘romantic’ relationship’ wounds here either!!) but a lot of stuff that I learned to let go of… and I’m much ‘free-er’ for it…

I’ve learned dreams aren’t just what we see in our sleep- dreams are what we strive for daily… and if we don’t reach out and grab them when they come by we can miss them… and THAT is a true tragedy.

And I’ve learned that there ARE risks in life that I will regret not taking if I don’t just take them!! I might feel foolish if I don’t quite get it right the first time… BUT how foolish would I feel if I missed a WONDERFUL opportunity because I was too scared to fail???

Respect Your Self... May 2007

Yeah... what she said... 

Respect yourself and the world will follow...

Many women ask themselves the same questions, about men. They're questions that have been asked for generations, they're not new to my generation… although I think we're asking a lot more questions- we discuss things a lot more than our mom's and grandmothers did…  Have you ever wondered why: he lied, he didn't call when he said he would, he doesn't support his babies, he ignores you, he expects you to cater to him, he uses you for his booty call when 'wifey' don't want to- or maybe when she's just not around, he beats you-but buys you Gucci to make up for it, cheats on you- then swears he won't do it again~~ or until the next easy piece walks by… makes all kinds of promises and plans with you~ only to break them~ time and time again… and I'm not talking about promising to take you shopping, I'm talking LIFE promises… Lets' take a look at this shall we ladies?? Now, you might wanna get your steel toed Timberland's on cause I'm sure I'm gonna step on some toes- MY own included… I'm sure I'll offend many~ even some men who might actually read this… but it's something that needs to be addressed, it's not discussed enough.

 

WHY do we allow this to happen to us?? Let me tell you sisters~~ we lack the self respect necessary to stop it!!! Women who respect themselves first and foremost do NOT let men treat them this way; they don't allow anyone to abuse, use or mistreat them.  What has happened to us respecting ourselves?? I know it's not all our fault right?? Society has conditioned us to do what we have to do to hold on to a man… from dressing a certain way, behaving a certain way, even giving up our own identities.  In the mean time, we've lost our self respect- and the respect of the very men we were trying to impress and keep a hold of. 

Do you really want a man in your life that just wants you for sex? Do you honestly want a man in your life that doesn't want to help you support the children he so willingly helped you create? And why would you want to stay with a man who abused you- no matter HOW much you loved him?? Why would a self respecting woman want a man who was a two timing womanizer? Now girls I am asking myself some of these questions just as much as I am asking any one of you out there—

Come on… WE do deserve better… and YES there IS better out there… there ARE good men.  There ARE men who want to treat a woman like a princess… BUT, first and foremost we have to believe we deserve to be treated as such!!! We have to RESPECT OURSELVES before we'll ever find that man… a good, self respecting man doesn't want a woman who is willing to just throw herself out there… they want a woman who's graceful in her behavior, strong willed, intelligent, loving, gentle, industrious, knows how to handle herself in time of need, can be his partner and his confidant and one who exudes confidence and self respect!!!

While I'm on that subject- a real man, one who wants to treat a SELF RESPECTING woman like she should be treated doesn't want a woman who's willing to post pictures of herself (to borrow from a friend)  'all protruding out there' and brag about her sexual conquests and her other degrading habits… why display yourself like that?? A self respecting woman knows the difference between sexual and sensual… she knows there are lines that really don't need to be crossed (in public)~~ There are some HOT self respecting women out there- who know how to attract a man w/out flaunting all their goodies all over the place… that is class and sophistication~~
 

Now with that said… I would love to see my generation be the one who teaches the younger girls about respecting ourselves again… taking a stand- I don't mean being a BITCH~ I mean not letting men use us, abuse us, hurt us for no reason other than we allow it… we need to learn it's ok to have confidence and be proud of who we are—it doesn't matter if we're Black, White, Latino, Asian, Mixed… we all deserve to be treated with the same amount of respect … but it all starts with US…  So if you're tired of being mistreated, quit bitching about it… start respecting YOU first and you'll start seeing changes in the way others treat you… 

Unconditional- Circa April 2007

For centuries…

Poets, authors and playwrights have written about it…

Songs have been sung about it…

The Bible has taught it….

School girls have dreamed about it…

What is it??

Unconditional Love…

Unconditional love, a love that is 'given freely' to the loved one 'no matter what'.

It’s that love with no limits, no boundaries, the love that conquers all. 

Have you ever felt that kind of love for one person?? A love so strong you would stand by them regardless of the situation, sacrifice for them regardless of the cost? Unconditional love, loves someone for who they ARE- faults and all… unconditional love accepts that they are human and will make mistakes, and possibly even hurt us at some point, but we continue to love them all the same. Unconditional love comes thru hard work, sacrifice and compromise.  Unconditional love comes with patience and caring- steadfastness if you will.  If you love someone unconditionally you will not give up on them or the love you feel for them.

True love delights in the simple things, a smile, a touch- a soft word.  These things take on a whole new meaning when you love someone unconditionally. 

The best description of love comes from the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13:3-7 … this is from the Message Bible, a little more ‘street’ than the traditional and a little bit easier to understand…

So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

   Love never gives up.
   Love cares more for others than for self.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
   Love doesn't strut,
   Doesn't have a swelled head,
   Doesn't force itself on others,
   Isn't always "me first,"
   Doesn't fly off the handle,
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
   Doesn't revel when others grovel,
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
   Puts up with anything,
   Trusts God always,
   Always looks for the best,
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end.

Can you love someone THIS way…??? Can you love someone so unconditionally?? I know I do… yes, it’s hard sometimes, yes it hurts sometimes BUT I have to believe in the end- love will bring us thru anything—and I believe it is all worth it.