Another Year August 2007

Well in 9 days I'll be another year older ... and what a year it's been, so many changes. Some losses, some gains and some lessons learned... but one thing has been constant, growth.

I have had time to learn that I am stronger than even I give myself credit for at times. That time eventually does heal the intensity of the pain caused by most wounds~ some may still hurt~~ especially when they're not left to heal properly... but if they're left alone to heal they don't hurt as bad in the long run.

I've learned that the memories will always be there~ good or bad, but they won't always hurt when you remember them~ in fact one day they may make you smile again (the good ones at least).

I have learned that you can miss something you never had or maybe I should say you can feel like you lost something that you never really had~~ if that makes sense.

I've learned that no matter how bad YOU want something, God has a much better plan for your life and He knows the outcome in the long run. (ok so I knew that but I didn't want to trust it until now) No matter how much you think your plan is best, Gods plan is always better~ and He wants the best for you... even if at the moment it feels like your world is crashing, there is a reason for your pain. It may not be evident for weeks, months or years... but eventually you'll see the purpose if you believe He will bring you something better.

The biggest thing I've learned is it's totally up to you how long things effect you, you alone have the power to say enough... you alone have the power to let go. NO matter how many times your past comes back to haunt you~ you have the power to put it in its place~ to reject it's hold on you.

It's not easy, I know~ I've fallen prey to it more than once this year alone... but it can be done (through a LOT of prayer!!) ~~ that's where I have been learning I'm stronger than I thought. It's not that I don't care anymore... I still care- it's not that I don't love anymore, I still love (do I ever still love, even after way too much! And even after learning more and more~~) But instead it's about not letting others hurt me anymore~ it's about taking care of myself.

Here's hoping the next year has much less loss... both by death (I still miss my little grandmother ) and by choice (not mine!!)... but instead more growth and gains!!