Five stages of grief…
Grieving isn't only for those who have lost a loved one, it
is not only in regards to death- there are many reasons one may grieve. Yes, death is a big one- but grief can be
felt because of any type of loss~~ losing a job, your home being invaded and
your possessions being taken, the end of a relationship.. these are just a few
things that can also cause a person to go thru the five stages of grief.
How do we deal w/grief and the events that lead up to it??
People deal in many different ways, but there are typically five stages that
all will go thru (how they handle these stages differs as widely as
personalities do…) These stages don’t happen in a 1-2-3 order, they can pretty
much be mixed up especially 2-4.
Sometimes they’re hard to discern,
the anger and depression in particular- it might be hard to realize what
stage a person is at. There is no set
time limit on these stages either UNFORTUNATELY !! No way to tell when they will
start or even worse, when they will end.
If you’re a person who loves someone dealing with these
stages, don’t be surprised to be hurt as well!!! Often times the person
grieving is going to be wrapped up in their own feelings and sometimes not able
to respond to the love you are offering- and they may not be able to show you
love either. (now some people will
require more attention during these phases but again, we each deal differently.
What are the five stages of grief? Most psychologists will follow the following guidelines…
- Denial (this isn't happening
to me!)
In this stage of grief the person experiencing it may refuse
to believe the loss has happened… may feel like it’s all surreal… sometimes it
takes a while before this feeling sinks in, and sometimes it takes a while for
it to go away…
- Anger (why is this happening to me?)
WOW, this one is a biggie… some will get stuck in this mode…
they’ll be mad at God, mad at their
friends, hurtful to those who love them the most- while they try to work thru
the anger. Sometimes this anger destroys
families, homes, and relationships. This
is the most volatile of all the stages of grieving.
- Bargaining (I promise I'll be a
better person if...)
This stage may or may not be experienced… sometimes it’s “if
he’ll only come back I’ll be… “ or “if they’ll give me a 2nd chance
I can do…..” (you fill in the blanks w/your own situation) Sometimes this stage
is skipped- it doesn't always apply to the situation that caused the grieving…
- Depression (I don't care
anymore)
Although not always as volatile as ANGER, this phase of
grieving can be dangerous. During this phase a person can isolate themselves
even more. They will put aside all that
makes them happy and focus on the situation at hand, be consumed by it almost. Depression can (just as anger can) destroy relationships,
jobs, homes, friendships… sometimes Anger and Depression occur at the same
time- sometimes they are experienced separately… depending on the person, they
may experience Anger first, then depression or vice-versa.
- Acceptance (I'm ready
for whatever comes)
Regardless of how the other stages
of grieving are played out the final stage is Acceptance… during this stage the
person suffering the loss realizes… “I’m gonna be ok…no matter what I am going
to be ok.” They may realize the events
leading up to this are totally out of their control, and all they can do is
move forward- learn from their loss and make the best of the future. Sometimes it takes quite a while to reach
this stage, but eventually they will… and if those around them have not been
run off by the ANGER and DEPRESSION, they’ll still be there arms open and
loving them just the same…
These are things I have learned on
my own thru out the years and during a particularly trying time right
now, I have no degree in psychology (although I do have a couple
courses on my transcript…) These are just life lessons… hopefully they can help
someone else… (I had to go back thru and read these stages myself to help me
understand a situation I’m involved in a little bit clearer- so I decided to
blog about it while it was fresh on my mind…
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